You know that old cliché about how important it is to follow your internal compass? Have you ever wondered what the heck your internal compass feels like, how to recognize it, or whether you have one at all?
It is true that everyone has an internal compass, including you. If you struggle to find it or to trust it, you are not alone. Our culture conditions all of us away from following our internal compass from a very early age. The reason for that is that the internal compass lives in the body but we live in a culture that prioritizes the mind, brain, and thoughts over anything the body has to offer and treats the body as something for the mind to tame.
In addition to being socialized out of listening to your internal compass, betrayal trauma can make it a survival imperative to ignore your internal compass. Imagine what would happen if a young child listened to the racing heart and flow of blood to her core that said Run in the face of an abusive parents, for example. For betrayal trauma survivors, following the internal compass is often just not an option.
The good new is that there is a way back to your internal compass.
I recently had a pleasure of completing a 6-day training in a research-based therapy approach called Mindful Awareness in Body-Oriented Therapy (MABT) with its creator, Dr. Cynthia Price at the University of Washington. MABT has been shown to help with recovery from trauma, dissociation, substance abuse, and emotion regulation, through a superpower that we all possess and can get better at, called interoception.
Interoception is the ability to sense what is happening inside the body.
In addition to helping to heal the impacts of betrayal trauma, I think the coolest thing about interoception is that the more you practice interoceptive awareness, the more you gain access to a whole world of information that lives inside you and that was previously out of reach.
How is interoceptive awareness different from mindfulness?
You are much more likely to be familiar with the idea of practicing mindfulness that the idea of practicing interoceptive awareness. There is a lot of overlap between the two concepts, but they differ in a couple of important ways. First, mindfulness is not limited to awareness of sensations inside the body but could include awareness of things that you see, hear, smell, taste, or touch. Of course, there is a bodily component to things you experience with your five senses, but interoceptive awareness is more concerned with sensations in your inner body. Second, there is such an enormous explosion of mindfulness resources and practices out there, it is difficult to know to what degree they are guiding interoceptive awareness versus guiding something that is more based in thinking about your internal sensations as opposed to actually sensing them.
Thinking about internal sensations is very different from actually sensing them. In fact, betrayal trauma survivors often experience a lot of distress due to getting stuck in thought loops about their uncomfortable sensations.
MABT is like going to the interoceptive awareness gym where instead of strengthening your muscles, you are strengthening your ability to move your awareness into your body.
The world inside of you is just as complex and vibrant as the natural world around you.
This week's belonging reminder:
Licensed social worker, Carly Woolard’s, poem about interoception gets at the heart of what interoception has to do with a sense of belonging:
YOU ARE HERE NOW
You are here
Now.
But How? you ask
You’ve been through hell and back,
countless panic attacks.
You hold your story
in the crook of your neck,
always gotta double-check
if you’re okay or in purgatory.
Disconnected from your body,
numbing the shame with another hot toddy.
Running the blame like, Why can’t I trust anybody?
But remember, you are here
Now.
Let us vow
to ourselves that we will allow
ourselves to reach for the sky
with a deep breath in and a deep breath out.
Untwist that spine
so we stand up like we love ourselves or something.
Wiggle your shoulders
like you are the beholder
of your own beautiful existence.
Take your story
and any resistance
from the crook of your neck
and let
yourself breathe in the morning and all it’s glory.
Scoop the earth
with your strong hands and spread your arms like wings.
Fly to safety- this is your rebirth.
So give yourself a bow
because you are here
Now
The very act of practicing interoception is an act of treating yourself like you belong in the world. As your interoceptive ability grows, you will also be better able to communicate your needs to safe others, set boundaries with unsafe others, and be able to really feel what belonging feels like in your body.
This week's practice suggestion:
This week I invite you to practice building your interoceptive “muscle” using this practice I adapted from MABT as follows:
Start by taking three full, deep breaths, allowing the lungs to release completely on the exhale. This helps to prepare the body for the practice.
Now choose either your right or your left hand to focus on. The idea is to focus on a more neutral region of the body when you are getting familiar with interoception practice so that you can learn in a comfortable way. If your hands are not neutral for you, find a neutral spot like a foot, or perhaps the top or your head, or an elbow. Just choose one specific neutral area for the practice.
If possible, take your other hand and wrap it around the area you chose to focus on. If that is too difficult or not possible, find a towel or other prop you can use to wrap around the area.
Once the area your have chosen is wrapped/cradled/sandwiched, bring your attention to the sensation of the area inside the “wrap.”
If it feels right to you, let this area know you are going to be keeping it company for a few minutes.
If you can feel the sensations deep inside, start by feeling the sensation of the “wrap” touching the outside of the area. Then slowly guide your attention deeper inside the area.
Name what you notice in that area including sensations, colors, textures, or other qualities of the sensations. Examples are things like warm, pulsing, pulling, spreading, yellow, tingly. Just sense into the area within the wrap and name what you notice.
After a few minutes, let the area of your body know that you are going to start to transition away now. If it feels right, let it know you appreciate it for doing this practice today.
Take out a piece of paper, journal, or notebook and write down anything you noticed that you feel curious about or that has meaning for you. Only take a minute or two for this and if nothing comes up, that is fine too.
Do this at least three times this week.
Until next time. :)