Healing from betrayal trauma is a less like taking an Advil to knock out a headache and more like listening inward to learn what is causing the headache, realizing it is from dehydration, and starting a new habit of drinking water every day for the rest of your life.
When you commit to listening inward it may be more than just a headache that gets your attention. There are likely all sorts of uncomfortable feelings inside that you may have been avoiding for a long time without even realizing you were avoiding them. It can be overwhelming to pay attention to what is going on in your body all at once.
So how can you listen inward without blowing your fuses?
When it comes to healing betrayal trauma, don’t be afraid to start small.
The impact of daily visits to yourself will add up over time. The trick is to just keep visiting yourself. There is so much wisdom in your body. If you visit yourself a little every day you will learn to listen to it, you will come to see that you can trust it, and you will be able to give it what it needs in order to feel more at ease, like a glass of water for a dehydration headache.
I know it is scary to take these leaps of faith. As a trauma psychologist and someone who is on the healing journey myself, I promise your internal guidance will not lead you astray. That is not to say that you won’t make mistakes. Mistakes are a very important part of the healing process that teach you even more about yourself, your values, and how to listen inward in ways that work best for you. Mistakes are not a sign that you are on the wrong path but are part and parcel of the healing path, or any life well-lived for that matter. We will come back to talking about mistakes in future posts. For now, the focus it to start a habit of visiting yourself every day.
There is a whole world inside you that is no less worth visiting every day than this camellia I spotted on a morning walk.
This week's belonging reminder:
One of my favorite podcasts is called The Best Advice Show with host Zak Rosen. Episodes are usually 5 minutes or less, so they often a great tool tool to help you visit yourself every day. In an episode from January of this year, Sadie Lune gives advice about breathing. The episode is titled, On Demand Breathing.
This week's practice suggestion:
Listen to the On Demand Breathing episode of the Best Advice Show and take the advice. That is, breathe deeply every time you see or hear the word breath, breathe, or breathing in song, on television, on social media, in passing conversation, in the news, on this blog post, or anywhere else. If you go through a whole day without seeing or hearing the word breath, breathe, or breathing, breathe deeply once at night before bed.
Sometimes focusing on breath can be overwhelming at first as well for survivors of betrayal trauma. If this is the case for you, you can do the same practice with the word “see” or the word “listen.” Each time you read or hear one of these words, turn your attention to whatever you see or hear around you and hold your attention on something you see or hear for five seconds. If you don’t read or hear one of these words by the end of the day, turn your attention to something you see or hear for five seconds once at night before bed. Getting in touch with your senses is another way of visiting yourself every day.