You may be surprised by what happens in your heart if you pay it regular visits. The heart is in a constant state of communication, always seeking a listener, always hoping that listener will be you.
Betrayal trauma can make it harder to hear what your heart wants and needs, but the good news is that you can always learn to speak your heart’s language. Like learning any new language, it just takes time and practice.
You may be in the habit of turning to others for guidance, putting other people’s needs and wants before your own, or even waiting for someone to come along and tell you how to spend your time instead of listening inward. This is another absolutely normal consequence of betrayal trauma in which you had to neglect your own wants and needs in order to appease the perpetrator. The earlier the betrayal trauma started, the harder it will be as an adult to know how to listen to yourself.
So, how do you learn to listen to yourself?
The heart speaks, not in words, but in sensations.
When you come across something that is right for you to move toward, you may feel one of more of these in you body, especially in your chest and/or belly:
- Ease
- Lightness
- Warmth
- Softness
- Spark
- Fullness
- Expansiveness
- Spaciousness
- Uplift
These sensations may be barely noticeable at first, especially if your default is to have a lot of anxiousness or heaviness inside of you. At first, the sensations of rightness may be overshadowed by the more difficult sensations, but it doesn’t mean they aren’t there!
This week's belonging reminder:
There is a little spark inside of you waiting to be listened to over and over, until it is the first thing you hear every day. May it be inspired by the song This is Me!
This week's practice suggestion:
Grab a journal and pen at the end of the day of at least one day this week. Pause and take three full, deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving the belly. Next, reflect back on your day today. Were there any moments in which you felt any of the following things, no matter how subtle?:
- Ease
- Lightness
- Warmth
- Softness
- Spark
- Fullness
- Expansiveness
- Spaciousness
- Uplift
Even if there was a moment when you think you may have felt any of these things, but you aren’t sure, write down what you were doing in that moment. What was going on around you? Were you inside or outside? Were you with others or by yourself? List anything you think may be connected with any of the feelings on the list for you.
Here is an example from my day so far:
- Having a morning cup of tea
- Watching the tram go by
- Seeing my cat’s floofy tail
- Sitting here writing to you
What’s on your list?