Many survivors of betrayal trauma are never physically touched by their abuser. Instead, the abuse comes in the form of silent treatments, name-calling, threats, boundary-crossings, and other ways of exerting power and control.
Psychological abuse affects survivors in ways that overlap with, but are also distinct from the harm caused by other forms of betrayal trauma. If you have been the victim of psychological abuse, here are some things that may be familiar to you:
Intense and sometimes unrelenting self-doubt
Not knowing what you need or want
“Shame attacks” that may seem to come on for no reason
Believing yourself to be broken, defective, or unlovable
Confusion about what really matters to you
Difficulty knowing who to trust and when to protect yourself
Intense discomfort being in positions of leadership
Fear of being alone
Ruminating about whether you did something wrong
All of the common consequences of psychological abuse happen for the same reason: psychological abuse disconnects you from your core self. The good news is that your authentic self never goes away completely, and is waiting for you whenever you are ready to come home.
This week's belonging reminder:
If you aren’t already familiar with Trauma Psychologist, Dancer, Poet, Minister, and Scholar, Dr. Thema Bryant, today is a good day to learn about her. Dr. Thema’s book for trauma survivors came out today!! It’s called Homecoming and it looks like an incredible guide and companion to help you guide yourself home to your core self that you were disconnected from by betrayal trauma. I’m ordering my copy right now!
Dr. Thema is the President-Elect of the American Psychological Association, which is very good news for the field of psychology!
She also has a wonderful podcast you can start listening to today.
You can heal from psychological abuse and betrayal trauma. It takes time, practice, and a relentless commitment to keep coming back to yourself over and over.
You are worth it. I promise.
This week's practice suggestion:
For the next week, each time you catch yourself struggling with one of the things on the list at the top of this post, do the following:
Tell yourself, “I’m in trauma survival mode right now.”
Remind yourself, “Other people feel this too. I’m not alone.”
Tell your core self, “I look forward to getting to know you more and more, whenever you are ready.”
If you have time, I also recommend listening to Dr. Thema’s podcast or reading her book! If you find yourself in trauma mode, she likely has already recorded an episode specific to something you are struggling with!