Maya Angelou on Home

We all need mentors. The good news is that mentors are everywhere.

Maya Angelou has been one of the people I would consider such a mentor. I have never met her, but her words hit home and cut through to a sense of goodness and belonging that we all need.

In her book, "Letter to My Daughter," she writes, :"I gave birth to one child, a son, but I have thousands of daughters. You are Black and White, Jewish and Muslim, Asian, Spanish-speaking, Native American and Aleut. You are fat and thin and pretty and plain, gay and straight, educated and unlettered, and I am speaking to you all. Here is my offering to you."

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This week's belonging reminder:

You can check out Maya Angelou's book, "Letter to My Daughter," by clicking "Look Inside," after following the Amazon link. You can read the entire short first chapter entitled "Home," within the preview. By the way, you don't need to a daughter or identify as female to benefit from the reading!

Here is Dr. Angelou with Oprah on "the best advice she's ever given." May Dr. Angelou's mentorship move you a smidge further toward knowing your own belonging.

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This week's practice suggestions:

- If there is someone you would consider to be a mentor in your life, write about their attributes that make them a good mentor. For example, I would describe Maya Angelou as unconditionally loving, steadfast, warm, wise, and strong. Alternatively, you could write about the attributes you would give to your ideal mentor if you could create a mentor to be whomever you wanted them to be. Get as specific as possible, and imagine them in as much detail as you can. Then practice closing your eyes, and in your mind asking your mentor for advice with a specific situation.

- Pay attention this week to any unacknowledged mentors that might be in your life right now! It may come in the form of something a stranger says to you, an article you come across, or your own inner voice. Pay attention and allow yourself to be surprised!

Why do we long to belong?

In her recent talk on trust, Tara Brach, clinical psychologist and founder of the Insight Meditation Society of Washington DC says, "The reason that we long to belong is because the truth is that we do belong." Coming home to a sense of belonging is coming home to the truth of who we really are. She also comments on the fact that research shows that when we imagine ourselves in a situation of belonging, our brain responds the exact same way as it does when we are actually in a situation in which we feel a sense of belonging. So by spending time each day devoting a little attention to belonging, you are changing your brain to be more aligned with the truth of who you are.

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This week's belonging reminder:

I recommend this entire 2-part talk on trust and belonging. In part 1, there is a wonderful little "belonging scan" beginning about two minutes into the talk.

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This week's practice suggestions:

- Practice the belonging scan every day this week.

- Imagine your ideal place of belonging in as much detail as possible. Use writing, drawing, painting, collage, or whatever means of expression speaks to you in order to connect with this place.

To Come Home to Yourself

One of the most difficult effects of complex trauma is the sense that there are no safe places to come home to. Even places that in actuality are safe, often just don't feel safe. This bite-sized poem helps to set an intention to create a safe haven within oneself. Even if it doesn't resonate at first, or even for a long while, it is worth repeating these words to yourself. At first it may feel strange, or pointless, or it may even bring up difficult emotions like shame or loneliness. I urge you to keep offering yourself the wishes written in the poem. Be steadfast in your intention to love yourself and watch the world transform.

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This week's belonging reminder:

To Come Home to Yourself

May all that is unforgiven in you
Be released.

May your fears yield
Their deepest tranquilities.

May all that is unlived in you
Blossom into a future
Graced with love.

            - John O'Donohue

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This week's practice suggestions:

- Read To Come Home to Yourself every morning this week

- Write your own poem wishing yourself a homecoming

Welcome

You belong. 

I encourage you to read those two words - to re-read them. What happens in your mind? What happens in your body? What emotions do you feel? What memories come up for you?

Ideally, reading or hearing the words "you belong," would feel good. It would lead to sense of peace and relaxation in the body that comes from remembering that we are safe because we are not alone. However, those words often don't land that way.

In working with survivors of interpersonal trauma (trauma that has been perpetrated by someone depended on for survival or for emotional needs), the issue of belonging is huge. Because belonging brings up thoughts and feelings about other people, the first reaction is often not peace and contentment, but fear, loneliness, or shame.

My goal in creating this blog is to be steadfast in reminding you of your belonging. I will do so with the assistance of poets, trees, animals, maybe even some psychology research, and other yet-to-be-discovered sources of information.

I will also suggest a belonging practice along with each post.

Here is the poem that first caught my attention about my own belonging. I was heartbroken about a loss at the time, and going for a long walk in the pouring rain along the Charles River in Boston. It was national poetry month and there were little placards placed along the esplanade, each displaying a different poem. As I read Wild Geese, two wet geese walked by.

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This week's belonging reminder:

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

               - Mary Oliver

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This week's practice suggestions:

1. Journal about what happens when you read the words "You belong." What happens in your mind? What happens in your body? What emotions do you feel? What memories come up for you?

2. Pay attention to the "wild geese" in your life this week. That is, keep your senses open for an unexpected belonging reminder.